i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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