I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
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