It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
