Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
