I faked an abortion last night.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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