hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I wish there were birth control emojis
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Randomize
