i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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