Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I queefed so loud it echoed.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
