There is no way he is gay with that hair.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
