From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
