I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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