My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize