Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
