office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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