After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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