Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize