I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize