so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
