So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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