so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
don't judge my taste in strippers
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
