Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
