i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
