am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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