In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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