At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
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