so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
try to milk me bitch
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