if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize