Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
