nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
