1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
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