does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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