I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize