I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
