he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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