The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Welp...herpes.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
You are the jesus of drinking
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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