he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize