I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
