They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
