I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
He called his prostate his "boner button".
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize