I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
