How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
can u get pink eye on your cock?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
