i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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