What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
