Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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