2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
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