She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
