Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
