Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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