I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
