I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I want to be your penis for a week.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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