I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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