i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Are my feet made of real feet?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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