May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
