I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize