I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
