My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Less talking, more tequila
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
