I think i sorta joined a cult last night
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
