That's intense
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
