we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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