Yo dont text me then not text me
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
