What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
