i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
