I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Just pee around me
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
