you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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