Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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