I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
