I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Randomize
