So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
