so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
