I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
what day is it and did you see me today?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
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