I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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