Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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