she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
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