i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
