woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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