The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
