why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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