I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
