Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
