i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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