Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Randomize
