Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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