I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
