I should be sponsored by Trojan
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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