So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Me too!
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
