all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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