It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
