just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
