i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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