I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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