Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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