PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
