I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
