eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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