I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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