So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
