dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
