I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
