Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
